Thursday, June 10, 2010

And I used to like this band / US-England History

We Are Scientists, a band that formed in Berkley, California and is comprised of Americans have written what they're calling the "unofficial World Cup anthem for England." Creatively titled, "Goal! England" they add their names to the long list of completely indefensible traitors to flag and country. Memo to everyone in the US: You have a soccer team already. We call it soccer. You will never be fully accepted by anyone else. We are your friends. We are your family. Rooting for England is letting the terrorists win.

A brief history of US-English relations:

1775 - Shots fired, don't tread on me, etc.
1781 - Victory at Yorktown, biggest upset since the 2001 Patriots.
1814-15 - victory at New Orleans (thanks, Andrew Jackson)!
1865 - Slavery defeated (nothing to do with England but gave us some much needed credibility).
1917 - Bailed you out of a World War.
1941 - Gave you free planes and stuff so you wouldn't end up speaking German.
1945 - Beat Hitler (Russia was more help than you).
1950 - Beat you in the World Cup.
1989 - Defeated communism for you (you're welcome, Thatcher).
1995 - Made Oasis famous. Otherwise, no one would have liked them.
2003 - Talked you into invading Iraq (we opposed this but, nonetheless, you guys are idiots).
2010 - You meet your old friend, your old colony who keeps working you like a speed-bag. Enjoy. Let's dance.

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